validation

It happened over a simple dinner with two of my best girlfriends.  We were chatting about the usual topics (boys, jobs, and babies) when the conversation evolved into an outpouring of our innermost feelings about ourselves.  Strangely, we all were feeling the same way: inadequate.  We were all looking to each other, and to others we know, to validate ourselves.

This really got me thinking about how I always focus on what everybody else has (or what's missing from my life) rather than the things that I do have.  I'd have to admit, this is by far my worst quality.  The worst part of it all though is that it's not until somebody else praises me or fills me with positive words that I'm able to really feel and see all the blessings in my life.

The strange thing is, when I feel like I'm missing something in my life, it's not a new car, a bigger home, or even a family of my own that I feel like I'm missing, but rather, something that I can't quite put my finger on.  Perhaps it's this inability of mine to be completely happy with life that's making me feel this way.  A vicious cycle if there ever was one.

I yearn for the day that I don't seek outside validation.  I yearn for the day when I know that I am the confident, smart, driven, talented woman that I feel like I am ninety percent of the time.  Although, another part of me wonders if maybe we're not supposed to know.  Maybe that's why we have to surround ourselves with friends and family; so that they are able to give us a boost when we need it most.