ebbs and flows

All relationships have their own rhythm, and with this comes the inevitable ebbs and flows.  Hubby and I, like all other couples, have our own routine and our own way of interacting with each other.  Sometimes we're on our game; our communication is air tight, we don't snap at each other, and we're just generally kicking butt together. Other times, we're just off. I can't really explain it, but it's just like for that brief period of time, we're not in sync; we're in an ebb.

I know a girl who insists that she and her significant other never fight. I don't buy it. Not for a second. ALL healthy relationships have peaks and valleys. I get it though, there is a certain amount of pressure to have the "perfect" relationship. You want everybody to think that you're rock solid, and that nothing could ever happen to your twosome. It's not reality though.  Hubby and I aren't perfect and neither is our marriage. We both have moments where we aren't being the best spouse that we can be.  However, we can't look to the relationships of others to gauge our own; what works for one couple probably won't work us.

we're crazy, for real

In the six years that we've been together, we've come to accept the ebbs, along with the flows.  Marriage is a long road with many twists and unexpected turns; it's inevitable that you will have low points and high points. Actually, the ebbs make the flows that much more special, and they never last that long (or are that bad).  We look inside our marriage to see what's working and what isn't, instead of getting validation from others.

So, the question is:  Is there anything you can do to get out of the ebb faster, or is it just going to have to work itself out? I'm not sure, but I always try anyway. I take a page out of Hubby's book and I count my blessings in the hope that we can get our flow back sooner rather than later.  I think of all the things that he does that make me happy. I think of our wedding vows, and my promise to respect him, encourage him, forgive him, and give hope to him. I gave him my love, and that is something that he will never lose, even in an ebb.


Jen said...

I agree, not fighting is completely unhealthy. I'm not saying fight all the time but there has to be a good balance. I'm not a " yes wife" and the husband and I BOTH have strong personalities so sometimes there can be alot of ebbs.

But I also agree that you need the ebbs to make the flows better. There is never a good way to end an ebb. In our relationship, it's all about communicating our thoughts and feelings and not using harsh words.

Usually the worst ebbs are about the silliest, smallest things anyways.

Jennifer said...

I live by these simple words...
Always kiss me goodnight.... We may be having an off day but my love for my hubby doesn't change. Don't go to bed angry, life is too short to be unhappy. (I've lived that life... as a result my first marriage ended in divorce) Agree to disagree if need be but in the long run as long as you are BOTH willing to work things out the ebbs keep things interesting. (life would be kinda boring if everything was always the same day in and out) We're all constantly growing and changing and as a result there is bound to be some friction. The best part of a relationship is growing up/old together and seeing ourselves and our partners likes, wants, desires and goals come true and change as time goes by...ebbs and flows included ;)

Amanda said...

@ Jen, so true! The big stuff we can sit down and work through together, no problem; it's the small stuff that we end up bickering over! I'm not a "yes wife" either - I need my voice to be heard, it's picking my battles that I struggle with.

@ Jennifer. Thanks for you insight! What great words to live by - I might be stealing that one! You're right, the ebbs make it interesting :) Also, what you said about growin up/old together is so true - I love looking back to where we were six years ago, and where we are now - so much has happened and changed!